








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 161 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2420 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,358 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 905 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2146 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2153 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1154 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $402,128 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain brioché | 55% | 101 |
| #2 | Doums | 50% | 82 |
| #3 | Crazy Secret Baron | 47% | 133 |
| #4 | Pain béni | 45% | 164 |
| #5 | VeAir | 39% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pain brioché | 55% | 101 |
| #2 | Doums | 50% | 82 |
| #3 | Crazy Secret Baron | 47% | 133 |
| #4 | Pain béni | 45% | 164 |
| #5 | VeAir | 39% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 27 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | pain brioché | 15 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | VeAir | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Crazy Secret Baron | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Doums | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pain béni | 573 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | VeAir | 402 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | Crazy Secret Baron | 391 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | pain brioché | 287 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | Doums | 240 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ez | +1.99 | 73 | 52 |
| #2 | Crazy Secret Baron | +1.95 | 73 | 72 |
| #3 | Pain béni | -0.74 | 42 | 59 |
| #4 | pain brioché | -1.40 | 54 | 51 |
| #5 | Doums | -1.97 | 64 | 67 |





