








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 671 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 251 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Esplay | 4 matches | 1,750 | |
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 94 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2785 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,354 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3410 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3765 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3324 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3855 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $673,183 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 303 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jms | 52% | 62 |
| #2 | Timppa | 51% | 261 |
| #3 | RIKANOL | 50% | 22 |
| #4 | Iso Einari | 50% | 88 |
| #5 | horsecock | 46% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Iso Einari | 50% | 88 |
| #5 | horsecock | 46% | 56 |
| #6 | Jooman | 39% | 31 |
| #7 | sexophone | 36% | 33 |
| #8 | JP | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sexophone | 9 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | horsecock | 8 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Jms | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Iso Einari | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | JP | 4 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Iso Einari | 292 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jms | 260 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #3 | Timppa | 230 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #4 | horsecock | 115 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | JP | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JP | +2.35 | 67 | 51 |
| #2 | Jms | +2.20 | 69 | 79 |
| #3 | Timppa | +1.33 | 71 | 44 |
| #4 | Iso Einari | +0.81 | 54 | 67 |
| #5 | RIKANOL | -0.70 | 71 | 56 |





