








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1109 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1273 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1046 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 699 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 767 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $593,675 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timppa | 53% | 60 |
| #2 | Setä samuli | 50% | 88 |
| #3 | Jooman | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | horsecock | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timppa | 53% | 60 |
| #2 | Setä samuli | 50% | 88 |
| #3 | Jooman | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | horsecock | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Setä samuli | 13 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Jooman | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | horsecock | 2 | 0.0144 |
| #4 | Timppa | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Setä samuli | 243 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Timppa | 69 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | horsecock | 19 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jooman | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timppa | +2.13 | 71 | 50 |
| #2 | Iso Einari | +1.71 | 57 | 67 |
| #3 | Setä samuli | -1.13 | 49 | 56 |
| #4 | horsecock | -1.84 | 42 | 63 |
| #5 | Jooman | -3.27 | 25 | 21 |





