








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2371 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,634 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1731 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2177 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2633 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2093 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,001,216 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kroesus | 59% | 54 |
| #2 | anti | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | Tesseract | 56% | 57 |
| #4 | panic | 52% | 88 |
| #5 | guccifer | 47% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | panic | 52% | 88 |
| #5 | guccifer | 47% | 137 |
| #6 | meniK_ | 43% | 75 |
| #7 | the squirrel | 39% | 41 |
| #8 | Kevin Kurányi | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guccifer | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Tesseract | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | meniK_ | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Kevin Kurányi | 3 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | panic | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guccifer | 296 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | panic | 191 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | meniK_ | 180 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Tesseract | 160 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | kroesus | 114 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kevin Kurányi | +3.73 | 81 | 66 |
| #2 | meniK_ | +1.36 | 71 | 71 |
| #3 | guccifer | +1.22 | 75 | 68 |
| #4 | anti | +0.83 | 74 | 63 |
| #5 | panic | +0.79 | 58 | 66 |





