








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 356 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1340 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,526 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2337 | 42% |
| Smokes | 1272 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 551 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 1366 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,537 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 184 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝗨𝗡𝗘𝗫 | Magnus | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | sapphic Slut Juno | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Floo --i.w.t.k.m.-- | 49% | 37 |
| #4 | Staf | 43% | 69 |
| #5 | NoRysq | 41% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Staf | 43% | 69 |
| #5 | NoRysq | 41% | 66 |
| #6 | D3LUX | 40% | 15 |
| #7 | Lilly | 39% | 18 |
| #8 | DLimited | 36% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Staf | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | NoRysq | 6 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Floo --i.w.t.k.m.-- | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | DLimited | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Lilly | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoRysq | 258 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #2 | Staf | 169 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | DLimited | 108 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Floo --i.w.t.k.m.-- | 105 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lilly | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Floo --i.w.t.k.m.-- | +4.18 | 81 | 56 |
| #2 | Staf | +2.27 | 67 | 55 |
| #3 | NoRysq | +0.75 | 65 | 47 |
| #4 | D3LUX | +0.24 | 63 | 26 |
| #5 | Lilly | -0.20 | 57 | 50 |





