








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
671 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,803 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 355 | 20% |
| Smokes | 467 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 589 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 392 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $169,876 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Os | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | ^2whisk3y | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | astro | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Buzz Lightyear | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | gwill | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gwill | 7 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | Kang | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Y 3 3 T | 2 | 0.0217 |
| #4 | kingdra | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | ✪ F3DerAL | 1 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kingdra | 133 | 0.32 | 4 min |
| #2 | ^2whisk3y | 54 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | gregs | 44 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kang | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Udder Spinner | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ^2whisk3y | +2.11 | 86 | 76 |
| #2 | kingdra | +2.04 | 58 | 82 |
| #3 | ross | +1.57 | 67 | 49 |
| #4 | Y 3 3 T | +0.70 | 83 | 1 |
| #5 | Kang | +0.52 | 75 | 62 |





