








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 544 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3668 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,666 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3450 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3191 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3305 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2720 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,050,207 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 271 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Umber Eye | 54% | 63 |
| #8 | TheWeenerWhisperer | 54% | 39 |
| #9 | A gay jellyfish | 54% | 41 |
| #10 | Kasta | 54% | 56 |
| #11 | Walker | 49% | 78 |





