








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 66 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,698 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1057 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1045 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 880 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 716 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,093 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 130 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | nysticmipple | 65% | 89 |
| #4 | Frizer | 61% | 71 |
| #5 | Torpedo | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | Bombara | 57% | 53 |
| #7 | Aco | 47% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | megax | 3 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | nysticmipple | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Frizer | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Bombara | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nysticmipple | 357 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | Frizer | 228 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Aco | 113 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bombara | 108 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | megax | 90 | 0.39 | 3 min |





