








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 116 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
579 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,793 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 571 | 32% |
| Smokes | 554 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 554 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 114 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $338,302 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 295 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Frizer | 52% | 61 |
| #6 | Torpedo | 50% | 12 |
| #7 | Aco | 47% | 51 |
| #8 | elevatorapple | 25% | 4 |
| #9 | Top J | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frizer | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | nysticmipple | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Irrumane | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nysticmipple | 275 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | Frizer | 223 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Irrumane | 186 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | Aco | 106 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Torpedo | 48 | 0.17 | 2 min |





