








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 995 | 34% |
| Smokes | 719 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 568 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 663 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $204,853 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FATGUY | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | dytram | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | mang0 | 68% | 25 |
| #4 | SUPER DUPER BAD | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | Goodbye | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Rake | 50% | 6 |
| #10 | .AJ | 50% | 18 |
| #11 | Wilson | 47% | 19 |
| #12 | snufaffu | 33% | 9 |
| #13 | Carly Bae Jepsen | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bones | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | snufaffu | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | Wilson | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | .AJ | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Rake | 1 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bones | 131 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | .AJ | 62 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | SUPER DUPER BAD | 55 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #4 | Wilson | 48 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | mang0 | 39 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dytram | +3.17 | 93 | 44 |
| #2 | SUPER DUPER BAD | +2.69 | 83 | 76 |
| #3 | bones | +2.54 | 87 | 63 |
| #4 | ¿Homo Estas? | +1.77 | 82 | 63 |
| #5 | FATGUY | +1.69 | 56 | 75 |





