








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
588 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,620 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 239 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1079 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 740 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 562 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $178,923 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tezla! | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | -Hinksi- | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | DoubleMarsipan | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | James Manly | 54% | 94 |
| #5 | Dozzle | 53% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | -Hinksi- | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | DoubleMarsipan | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | James Manly | 54% | 94 |
| #5 | Dozzle | 53% | 72 |
| #6 | Zero | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | 10 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Dozzle | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | -Hinksi- | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Zero | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | 186 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | Dozzle | 91 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | -Hinksi- | 78 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Zero | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | DoubleMarsipan | 10 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | +2.54 | 63 | 60 |
| #2 | Dozzle | +0.54 | 36 | 47 |
| #3 | DoubleMarsipan | -0.31 | 46 | 55 |
| #4 | DuckiestHydra | -0.68 | 40 | 48 |
| #5 | Zero | -1.00 | 43 | 52 |





