










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 195 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3465 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,001 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2719 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2384 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2481 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1417 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,051,094 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 328 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 54% | 94 |
| #2 | Dozzle | 49% | 247 |
| #3 | gukki | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | -Hinksi- | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | Zero | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Dozzle | 49% | 247 |
| #3 | gukki | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | -Hinksi- | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | Zero | 42% | 19 |
| #6 | DoubleMarsipan | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 18 | 0.0100 |
| #2 | Dozzle | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | -Hinksi- | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | gukki | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Zero | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dozzle | 292 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #2 | -Hinksi- | 124 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | DuckiestHydra | 56 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | DoubleMarsipan | 52 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zero | 48 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | +1.10 | 60 | 55 |
| #2 | Zero | -0.19 | 43 | 55 |
| #3 | Dozzle | -0.35 | 32 | 46 |
| #4 | gukki | -0.41 | 67 | 41 |
| #5 | DuckiestHydra | -0.66 | 40 | 47 |





