








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
267 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 335 | 24% |
| Smokes | 443 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 461 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 151 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $56,854 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Dozzle | 41% | 41 |
| #3 | James Manly | 41% | 37 |
| #4 | gukki | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | -Hinksi- | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Dozzle | 41% | 41 |
| #3 | James Manly | 41% | 37 |
| #4 | gukki | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | -Hinksi- | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | DuckiestHydra | 3 | 0.0140 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | 86 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Dozzle | 64 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | -Hinksi- | 20 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | gukki | 8 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | DuckiestHydra | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | +1.45 | 61 | 53 |
| #2 | gukki | +0.51 | 68 | 42 |
| #3 | DuckiestHydra | -0.74 | 44 | 47 |
| #4 | Dozzle | -1.33 | 25 | 45 |
| #5 | DoubleMarsipan | -2.76 | 45 | 58 |





