








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
514 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,976 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 710 | 36% |
| Smokes | 417 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 494 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 355 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $138,071 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 57% | 30 |
| #2 | Zero | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | Dozzle | 50% | 42 |
| #4 | James Manly | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | Tezla! | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Zero | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | Dozzle | 50% | 42 |
| #4 | James Manly | 45% | 60 |
| #5 | Tezla! | 40% | 5 |
| #6 | DoubleMarsipan | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DuckiestHydra | 10 | 0.0176 |
| #2 | James Manly | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Dozzle | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | 138 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Dozzle | 58 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | DuckiestHydra | 21 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | DoubleMarsipan | 12 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Zero | 9 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Manly | +2.67 | 65 | 55 |
| #2 | Dozzle | +0.58 | 33 | 48 |
| #3 | Tezla! | +0.49 | 10 | 39 |
| #4 | DuckiestHydra | -1.20 | 37 | 55 |
| #5 | Zero | -1.86 | 39 | 68 |





