








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1648 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1959 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1230 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1425 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $245,831 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 109 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | entropy | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | ViperFish | 55% | 29 |
| #6 | shigu | 54% | 39 |
| #7 | kyoto | 50% | 8 |
| #8 | biggens | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | biggens | 3 | 0.0190 |
| #2 | ViperFish | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Huskmini | 2 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ViperFish | 164 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #2 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 95 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | shigu | 90 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Huskmini | 40 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | kyoto | 29 | 0.17 | 1 min |





