








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 112 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2136 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,122 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1978 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1678 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2343 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2123 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $545,545 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 421 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gall | 59% | 46 |
| #2 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 57% | 169 |
| #3 | slasher | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | ♛Dippa | 53% | 59 |
| #5 | EnRiQ-E | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 57% | 169 |
| #3 | slasher | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | ♛Dippa | 53% | 59 |
| #5 | EnRiQ-E | 46% | 13 |
| #6 | Hello, my friend | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 23 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | ♛Dippa | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Gall | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Hello, my friend | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 275 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | ♛Dippa | 133 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gall | 47 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | slasher | 37 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | EnRiQ-E | 37 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yeetus Hoonkus | +1.68 | 78 | 60 |
| #2 | ♛Dippa | +0.58 | 77 | 68 |
| #3 | Temmpp | +0.27 | 82 | 61 |
| #4 | slasher | +0.19 | 58 | 45 |
| #5 | Hello, my friend | -0.44 | 80 | 60 |





