








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,246 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 129 | 10% |
| Smokes | 204 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 404 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 509 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $196,185 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Whoomlender | 36% | 28 |
| #5 | Rzar | 36% | 73 |
| #6 | winton | 35% | 48 |
| #7 | PROBLEM | 33% | 43 |
| #8 | GroovyGuru | 19% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | winton | 11 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | mcdongle | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Rzar | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Whoomlender | 5 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | PROBLEM | 4 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rzar | 114 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | mcdongle | 96 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | winton | 81 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Whoomlender | 67 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | PROBLEM | 36 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mcdongle | +4.53 | 66 | 60 |
| #2 | winton | +3.07 | 73 | 35 |
| #3 | Whoomlender | +1.85 | 54 | 59 |
| #4 | Rzar | +0.11 | 32 | 62 |
| #5 | Jazzer*G | -0.36 | 70 | 26 |





