








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 62 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1830 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,205 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 224 | 7% |
| Smokes | 997 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1227 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 757 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $737,406 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kardz | 61% | 83 |
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | 61% | 108 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 55% | 174 |
| #4 | Dawn | 52% | 21 |
| #5 | Primus | 52% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | 61% | 108 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 55% | 174 |
| #4 | Dawn | 52% | 21 |
| #5 | Primus | 52% | 147 |
| #6 | ->Insomnia<- | 47% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primus | 13 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 12 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Largemouth Bass | 9 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Kardz | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Dawn | 3 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 537 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #2 | Kardz | 188 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Largemouth Bass | 87 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Primus | 56 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dawn | 40 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kardz | +2.13 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | +0.78 | 85 | 54 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | +0.77 | 47 | 69 |
| #4 | Ziinzo | +0.11 | 55 | 37 |
| #5 | Dawn | -0.26 | 68 | 47 |





