








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 576 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 368 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,156 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2587 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3642 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1658 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1269 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,733,744 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 569 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Primus | 56% | 41 |
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | 51% | 120 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 48% | 200 |
| #4 | ->Insomnia<- | 46% | 95 |
| #5 | sirel | 45% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | 51% | 120 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 48% | 200 |
| #4 | ->Insomnia<- | 46% | 95 |
| #5 | sirel | 45% | 121 |
| #6 | Kardz | 44% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sirel | 19 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | ->Insomnia<- | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Primus | 4 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | 1006 | 0.24 | 29 min |
| #2 | Kardz | 175 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Largemouth Bass | 110 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | ->Insomnia<- | 51 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Primus | 36 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kardz | +2.20 | 64 | 47 |
| #2 | Largemouth Bass | +1.17 | 69 | 38 |
| #3 | 𝙏𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙖. | +0.48 | 44 | 69 |
| #4 | Dawn | -0.30 | 63 | 47 |
| #5 | Primus | -0.74 | 43 | 43 |





