








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 314 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 69 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1615 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,915 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1536 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1539 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 763 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1077 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $693,324 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JBopzz:P | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | bigboye | 73% | 37 |
| #3 | glu3 ♿ | 66% | 79 |
| #4 | Captain Average | 64% | 11 |
| #5 | Hokster4 | 52% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | glu3 ♿ | 66% | 79 |
| #4 | Captain Average | 64% | 11 |
| #5 | Hokster4 | 52% | 66 |
| #6 | Atlas | 51% | 47 |
| #7 | MrYoshi.- | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bigboye | 6 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | JBopzz:P | 4 | 0.0148 |
| #3 | glu3 ♿ | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Hokster4 | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | MrYoshi.- | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glu3 ♿ | 207 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Atlas | 162 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Hokster4 | 105 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | bigboye | 74 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Captain Average | 40 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Atlas | +1.91 | 78 | 61 |
| #2 | glu3 ♿ | +1.89 | 85 | 60 |
| #3 | JBopzz:P | +0.83 | 52 | 71 |
| #4 | Clarence | +0.39 | 76 | 40 |
| #5 | bigboye | +0.03 | 63 | 54 |





