








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 233 matches | ||
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2508 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,526 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2188 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2633 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2193 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2512 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $687,870 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1ce6erg | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | manx^ | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | MooN | 45% | 31 |
| #4 | coldhand kelpy | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | BlocK | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1ce6erg | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | manx^ | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | MooN | 45% | 31 |
| #4 | coldhand kelpy | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | BlocK | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MooN | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | coldhand kelpy | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | BlocK | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | manx^ | 2 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | manx^ | 104 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | MooN | 84 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | BlocK | 66 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | coldhand kelpy | 65 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | 1ce6erg | 51 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coldhand kelpy | +1.51 | 81 | 58 |
| #2 | 1ce6erg | +0.54 | 68 | 67 |
| #3 | manx^ | +0.45 | 67 | 78 |
| #4 | BlocK | +0.23 | 73 | 63 |
| #5 | So-Ej | -0.47 | 66 | 56 |





