








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 286 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,883 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3158 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2561 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 774 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 2390 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,056,938 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 146 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blinded | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | hexen | 62% | 146 |
| #3 | caVV | 61% | 74 |
| #4 | alex | 61% | 112 |
| #5 | StevieJuanderchild | 60% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | gabe gab | 59% | 103 |
| #8 | ionsto | 56% | 115 |
| #9 | Abs | 53% | 55 |
| #10 | Ben1 | 50% | 20 |
| #11 | Dank Lee | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hexen | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | ionsto | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | gabe gab | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Rin | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | StevieJuanderchild | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StevieJuanderchild | 922 | 0.28 | 28 min |
| #2 | Rin | 683 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | hexen | 675 | 0.21 | 19 min |
| #4 | alex | 648 | 0.27 | 16 min |
| #5 | ionsto | 550 | 0.22 | 17 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rin | +2.50 | 85 | 69 |
| #2 | hexen | +2.27 | 77 | 71 |
| #3 | caVV | +0.93 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | Benji | +0.87 | 86 | 61 |
| #5 | Ben1 | +0.02 | 60 | 61 |





