








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 347 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 617 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2004 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1435 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1127 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,204,814 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2061 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | forte | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | WAX | hoody | 50% | 28 |
| #3 | WAX | Zoidberg | 50% | 38 |
| #4 | sunshine | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 44% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | EricTheEradicator | 36% | 74 |
| #11 | vert | 34% | 85 |
| #12 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 32% | 31 |
| #13 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 29% | 24 |
| #14 | Hillrop | 28% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Hillrop | 8 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | WAX | luh chonka | 5 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | EricTheEradicator | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | WAX | stonerboner | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 181 | 0.35 | 4 min |
| #2 | Hillrop | 122 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | EricTheEradicator | 109 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | WAX | luh chonka | 87 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | vert | 76 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vert | +3.65 | 78 | 43 |
| #2 | WAX | GreaterNorway | +2.40 | 47 | 20 |
| #3 | Hillrop | +1.17 | 37 | 36 |
| #4 | WAX | forte | +0.87 | 58 | 59 |
| #5 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | +0.86 | 35 | 59 |





