








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 186 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1324 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,523 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 762 | 30% |
| Smokes | 735 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 488 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 538 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,359 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 553 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | hoody | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 41% | 39 |
| #3 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 40% | 84 |
| #4 | Wambo | 36% | 74 |
| #5 | WAX | stonerboner | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | WAX | luh chonka | 26% | 23 |
| #10 | sunshine | 24% | 21 |
| #11 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 23% | 26 |
| #12 | Jogabrio | 9% | 11 |
| #13 | WAX | Bread | 8% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wambo | 17 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 10 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Hillrop | 6 | 0.0102 |
| #4 | WAX | Zoidberg | 4 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 303 | 0.35 | 8 min |
| #2 | Wambo | 100 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 92 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Hillrop | 76 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | WAX | luh chonka | 51 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vert | +3.31 | 71 | 42 |
| #2 | WAX | GreaterNorway | +2.83 | 49 | 22 |
| #3 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | +1.99 | 37 | 63 |
| #4 | Hillrop | +0.84 | 37 | 38 |
| #5 | Wambo | +0.62 | 24 | 31 |





