








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
694 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,277 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 564 | 44% |
| Smokes | 366 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 266 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 81 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $230,667 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 359 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 52% | 31 |
| #2 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | WAX | DeathByCodie | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | WAX | hoody | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | WAX | Zoidberg | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Wambo | 28% | 36 |
| #10 | WAX | Bread | 25% | 8 |
| #11 | Jalla | 14% | 7 |
| #12 | WAX | stonerboner | 13% | 23 |
| #13 | WAX | luh chonka | 11% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vert | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Wambo | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | WAX | Zoidberg | 4 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | EricTheEradicator | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | WAX | Bread | 3 | 0.0185 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | 69 | 0.38 | 2 min |
| #2 | Wambo | 63 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | vert | 52 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | WAX | GreaterNorway | 33 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | EricTheEradicator | 33 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vert | +3.26 | 74 | 43 |
| #2 | Felix "Noodles" Lotionstein | +2.63 | 24 | 61 |
| #3 | WAX | GreaterNorway | +1.94 | 55 | 34 |
| #4 | Hillrop | +0.68 | 38 | 36 |
| #5 | Wambo | -1.22 | 18 | 36 |





