








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2281 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,152 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1218 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1471 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 632 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 831 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $934,346 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hobbes | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 51% | 51 |
| #3 | degornjo | 50% | 56 |
| #4 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 49% | 197 |
| #5 | kruz | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | arny | 43% | 35 |
| #11 | prettypunaniamanda | 42% | 31 |
| #12 | Bob | 42% | 24 |
| #13 | aido | 40% | 15 |
| #14 | light | 31% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | salad | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Asimenio | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | kruz | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | degornjo | 3 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 804 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| #2 | salad | 486 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #3 | Asimenio | 231 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 148 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | degornjo | 139 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aido | +2.39 | 71 | 35 |
| #2 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | +2.20 | 81 | 64 |
| #3 | kruz | +2.18 | 73 | 60 |
| #4 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | +0.65 | 72 | 57 |
| #5 | Asimenio | +0.27 | 85 | 48 |





