








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,878 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1849 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2308 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 849 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1872 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $479,530 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 56% | 36 |
| #2 | degornjo | 47% | 72 |
| #3 | jordy | 46% | 145 |
| #4 | Asimenio | 46% | 100 |
| #5 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 45% | 223 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | jordy | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Asimenio | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | degornjo | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | 874 | 0.18 | 21 min |
| #2 | Asimenio | 273 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | jordy | 245 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | degornjo | 192 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 190 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | +2.35 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | +1.04 | 73 | 63 |
| #3 | Asimenio | +0.53 | 86 | 46 |
| #4 | degornjo | +0.01 | 63 | 53 |
| #5 | jordy | -0.71 | 67 | 42 |





