








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4288 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,417 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3554 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3829 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2117 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2917 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $631,671 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | 55% | 49 |
| #2 | arny | 51% | 65 |
| #3 | jordy | 49% | 197 |
| #4 | Asimenio | 48% | 141 |
| #5 | degornjo | 47% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jordy | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Asimenio | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | salad | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | degornjo | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | salad | 783 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #2 | Asimenio | 390 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | 326 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | jordy | 317 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | degornjo | 292 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JURI HAN ENJOYER | +2.29 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Jesus Christ on a Motorbike | +0.82 | 75 | 59 |
| #3 | Asimenio | +0.45 | 86 | 49 |
| #4 | degornjo | +0.06 | 65 | 55 |
| #5 | jordy | -0.45 | 66 | 42 |





