








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 511 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 256 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3067 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,276 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3953 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3851 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4058 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3414 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,574,839 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 155 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mongerz | 64% | 39 |
| #2 | A Shrouded Figure | 60% | 129 |
| #3 | Schism | 58% | 125 |
| #4 | PaPah[a]tch | 58% | 55 |
| #5 | εl 𝖋uεgo | 56% | 429 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | εl 𝖋uεgo | 5 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | A Shrouded Figure | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Schism | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Speedy | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | -md | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | εl 𝖋uεgo | 1501 | 0.18 | 41 min |
| #2 | A Shrouded Figure | 346 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | -md | 266 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #4 | mongerz | 167 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | Speedy | 157 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | εl 𝖋uεgo | +6.70 | 87 | 72 |
| #2 | -md | +1.88 | 75 | 74 |
| #3 | mongerz | +1.66 | 83 | 66 |
| #4 | A Shrouded Figure | +1.14 | 67 | 56 |
| #5 | PaPah[a]tch | +0.28 | 68 | 73 |





