








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 562 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 367 | 65% |
| Smokes | 150 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 17 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 28 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $121,948 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ollie Cherpussie | 33% | 48 |
| #7 | HCB.Chair | 29% | 21 |
| #8 | HCB.Anonymous | 26% | 35 |
| #9 | HCB.COOM | 17% | 29 |
| #10 | I Like Games | 14% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HCB.Anonymous | 12 | 0.0170 |
| #2 | HCB.COOM | 7 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | HCB.Chair | 7 | 0.0175 |
| #4 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | HCB.Darren | 3 | 0.0216 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ollie Cherpussie | 121 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | HCB.Anonymous | 95 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | HCB.COOM | 60 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | HCB.Darren | 50 | 0.36 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bedonka Dizzle | Al Harrington's | +9.96 | 91 | 42 |
| #2 | HCB.Darren | +5.86 | 82 | 63 |
| #3 | HCB.Slayer | +4.30 | 61 | 50 |
| #4 | Ollie Cherpussie | +0.95 | 77 | 51 |
| #5 | HCB.Chair | -1.16 | 37 | 37 |





