








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 337 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2008 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,566 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 787 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1016 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1024 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 739 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $720,299 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 536 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | berzhan | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | The Italian Wonder | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | Yuki23 | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | collob | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | Useless S. Grant | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Italian Wonder | 8 | 0.0139 |
| #2 | collob | 8 | 0.0150 |
| #3 | Useless S. Grant | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Casual Autism Enjoyer | 3 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | Yuki23 | 2 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | collob | 219 | 0.41 | 6 min |
| #2 | Useless S. Grant | 114 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | The Italian Wonder | 91 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | berzhan | 89 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #5 | Yuki23 | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | collob | +5.40 | 75 | 74 |
| #2 | The Italian Wonder | +1.85 | 67 | 50 |
| #3 | Twomads half smoked catnip | +1.05 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | berzhan | +0.92 | 67 | 70 |
| #5 | Yuki23 | -0.14 | 56 | 52 |





