








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 581 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 267 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,439 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4247 | 37% |
| Smokes | 751 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 2465 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3976 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,626,923 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 572 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Flyfriend28 | 60% | 50 |
| #5 | hiX | 59% | 190 |
| #6 | Green Faucet Long Grass | 53% | 58 |
| #7 | waddles the duck ❤ | 48% | 33 |
| #8 | sleepy | 44% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green Faucet Long Grass | 14 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | hiX | 13 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | KiruLo | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | waddles the duck ❤ | 4 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | Flyfriend28 | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KiruLo | 494 | 0.26 | 11 min |
| #2 | hiX | 311 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Green Faucet Long Grass | 298 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #4 | sleepy | 164 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Flyfriend28 | 163 | 0.16 | 4 min |






