








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 226 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Esplay | 13 matches | 1,612 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1926 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,795 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1454 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1401 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 960 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 980 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $887,005 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 161 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 1hp | 57% | 35 |
| #7 | Slice | 50% | 125 |
| #8 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 50% | 76 |
| #9 | M2☻ | 48% | 21 |
| #10 | kanylbulle | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slice | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Slaktaren | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | 1hp | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | M2☻ | 2 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slice | 288 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 180 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | 1hp | 124 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | kanylbulle | 80 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | M2☻ | 78 | 0.21 | 2 min |





