








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1208 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 798 | 33% |
| Smokes | 849 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 223 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 579 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $276,281 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epitaph | 91% | 11 |
| #2 | m3mory_ | 86% | 7 |
| #3 | B0n3® | 86% | 7 |
| #4 | PhårØs | 83% | 6 |
| #5 | I3lack Panda | 80% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | I3lack Panda | 80% | 5 |
| #6 | F_M_J | 60% | 57 |
| #7 | ☭Phoenix | 57% | 30 |
| #8 | Ernesto | 54% | 35 |
| #9 | Zeradius | 53% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ernesto | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | ☭Phoenix | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | F_M_J | 210 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | Ernesto | 109 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Zeradius | 106 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | ☭Phoenix | 100 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Epitaph | 38 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m3mory_ | +3.11 | 79 | 62 |
| #2 | Aces0092 | +2.84 | 82 | 62 |
| #3 | Zeradius | +1.68 | 72 | 63 |
| #4 | I3lack Panda | +1.51 | 69 | 63 |
| #5 | Epitaph | +0.61 | 78 | 61 |





