








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 121 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3019 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,498 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3675 | 39% |
| Smokes | 2508 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1569 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1746 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $595,231 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 62% | 73 |
| #2 | Kanine Beowulf | 61% | 83 |
| #3 | key jingler | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | Kingrillz | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | Rhystart | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brando™ | 22 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Kanine Beowulf | 18 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Lloyd | 14 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 13 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Ubby | 6 | 0.0146 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brando™ | 834 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 276 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | Lloyd | 256 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Kanine Beowulf | 246 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | Ubby | 138 | 0.33 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | +4.26 | 75 | 66 |
| #2 | glaZ | +3.40 | 82 | 65 |
| #3 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | +2.93 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | Rhystart | +2.37 | 75 | 68 |
| #5 | Kanine Beowulf | +1.06 | 61 | 59 |





