








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1073 | 41% |
| Smokes | 725 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 426 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 394 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $84,564 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | HeavyFire | 54% | 24 |
| #8 | Westmo | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Fabayen | 44% | 18 |
| #10 | plenin | 44% | 34 |
| #11 | ππππΈπ½ππ | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | plenin | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | ππππΈπ½ππ | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | HeavyFire | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | uuquuquuquu | 2 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | stoneislate | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ππππΈπ½ππ | 152 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | plenin | 134 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | HeavyFire | 111 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Westmo | 59 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Yung Bert | 37 | 0.06 | 1 min |





