








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 223 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2800 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,773 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4125 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2809 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3230 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2609 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $597,137 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 858 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | SabraCadabra | 52% | 94 |
| #6 | Jesse Eironen | 49% | 72 |
| #7 | .JoN.ツ | 38% | 34 |
| #8 | 児童性的虐待者 | 33% | 51 |
| #9 | PsyDe | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SabraCadabra | 22 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | rykäykä | 8 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | 児童性的虐待者 | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | veetixd | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Jesse Eironen | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SabraCadabra | 410 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | Jesse Eironen | 324 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | rykäykä | 204 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | veetixd | 164 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | 児童性的虐待者 | 108 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | veetixd | +3.56 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | .JoN.ツ | +3.52 | 79 | 56 |
| #3 | Jesse Eironen | +2.41 | 67 | 56 |
| #4 | SabraCadabra | +1.28 | 76 | 68 |
| #5 | Jokisuks | +0.51 | 80 | 43 |





