








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 250 matches | ||
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4060 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,513 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5096 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4199 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5023 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4195 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400,506 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 57 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Warlock | 63% | 49 |
| #2 | DA COLDEST AC | 57% | 75 |
| #3 | ems | 57% | 77 |
| #4 | PLUTOSKI | 57% | 60 |
| #5 | The Rock | 55% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | PLUTOSKI | 57% | 60 |
| #5 | The Rock | 55% | 87 |
| #6 | Lazarus | 54% | 79 |
| #7 | d!ce. | 52% | 101 |
| #8 | Springgy | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d!ce. | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | ems | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | DA COLDEST AC | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Lazarus | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Springgy | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DA COLDEST AC | 220 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | d!ce. | 192 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | The Rock | 185 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | ems | 143 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Warlock | 133 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Springgy | +2.87 | 85 | 54 |
| #2 | PLUTOSKI | +1.49 | 77 | 56 |
| #3 | The Rock | +1.04 | 75 | 61 |
| #4 | ems | +0.94 | 75 | 62 |
| #5 | Fragmints | +0.56 | 77 | 69 |





