








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
994 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,058 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1200 | 39% |
| Smokes | 741 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 421 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 696 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,244 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cynex | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | FONDLA | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | slytech | 55% | 60 |
| #4 | JuJu | 48% | 48 |
| #5 | Danger | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Chad | 44% | 77 |
| #7 | gooncel | 43% | 14 |
| #8 | Shit Can Shelby | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | Lil Rotund | 35% | 20 |
| #10 | ✪ Turbo Gaming | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slytech | 13 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | JuJu | 12 | 0.0122 |
| #3 | Chad | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | Lil Rotund | 4 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | gooncel | 3 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad | 477 | 0.30 | 10 min |
| #2 | JuJu | 93 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Danger | 84 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | slytech | 80 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lil Rotund | 72 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JuJu | +1.59 | 83 | 56 |
| #2 | Sloppy Fat Boy | +1.45 | 45 | 67 |
| #3 | Cynex | +1.12 | 69 | 56 |
| #4 | FONDLA | +0.39 | 63 | 46 |
| #5 | Lil Rotund | -0.85 | 54 | 59 |





