








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1942 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,001 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3689 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1883 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1987 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1442 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $504,144 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FONDLA | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | Cynex | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | slytech | 45% | 87 |
| #4 | JuJu | 44% | 113 |
| #5 | Sloppy Fat Boy | 44% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | JuJu | 44% | 113 |
| #5 | Sloppy Fat Boy | 44% | 77 |
| #6 | Danger | 44% | 34 |
| #7 | Lil Rotund | 33% | 18 |
| #8 | gooncel | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JuJu | 28 | 0.0125 |
| #2 | slytech | 25 | 0.0147 |
| #3 | FONDLA | 18 | 0.0232 |
| #4 | Sloppy Fat Boy | 9 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | gooncel | 7 | 0.0142 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sloppy Fat Boy | 261 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | JuJu | 198 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Danger | 99 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | slytech | 97 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | FONDLA | 65 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JuJu | +2.60 | 84 | 60 |
| #2 | Sloppy Fat Boy | +1.35 | 46 | 67 |
| #3 | Cynex | +0.92 | 68 | 62 |
| #4 | FONDLA | +0.17 | 70 | 38 |
| #5 | Chad | -0.74 | 58 | 52 |





