








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 173 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3084 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1652 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2199 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1973 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2075 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $905,518 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dp | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | stayn | 52% | 126 |
| #3 | flashnub~ | 51% | 96 |
| #4 | Dunkelmaster | 47% | 59 |
| #5 | Thomas the Dank Engine | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | stayn | 52% | 126 |
| #3 | flashnub~ | 51% | 96 |
| #4 | Dunkelmaster | 47% | 59 |
| #5 | Thomas the Dank Engine | 47% | 19 |
| #6 | Shadow-Death (Sebi) | 46% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flashnub~ | 11 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | stayn | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Shadow-Death (Sebi) | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Thomas the Dank Engine | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | dp | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shadow-Death (Sebi) | 327 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | stayn | 284 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | flashnub~ | 268 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Dunkelmaster | 177 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | dp | 72 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stayn | +3.28 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | flashnub~ | +1.65 | 80 | 56 |
| #3 | Frank | +0.39 | 70 | 56 |
| #4 | Dunkelmaster | +0.33 | 70 | 73 |
| #5 | Shadow-Death (Sebi) | -0.73 | 54 | 59 |





