








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Wingman | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1919 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2600 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1226 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2525 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $806,022 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bighäz | 48% | 167 |
| #2 | JepuXI | 46% | 144 |
| #3 | Ulrikki | 46% | 186 |
| #4 | Sorvu | 42% | 292 |
| #5 | Darwin "Darwinner" Núñez | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | JepuXI | 46% | 144 |
| #3 | Ulrikki | 46% | 186 |
| #4 | Sorvu | 42% | 292 |
| #5 | Darwin "Darwinner" Núñez | 40% | 25 |
| #6 | MiniMuna22 | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ulrikki | 20 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Sorvu | 13 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | bighäz | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | JepuXI | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Darwin "Darwinner" Núñez | 4 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sorvu | 597 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | Ulrikki | 525 | 0.13 | 16 min |
| #3 | bighäz | 355 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | JepuXI | 117 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Darwin "Darwinner" Núñez | 57 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ulrikki | +2.51 | 73 | 72 |
| #2 | Sorvu | +0.48 | 64 | 70 |
| #3 | JepuXI | +0.03 | 70 | 58 |
| #4 | bighäz | -0.03 | 69 | 68 |
| #5 | MiniMuna22 | -2.09 | 46 | 54 |





