








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 552 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 139 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 1,418 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1276 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1542 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1530 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 605 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1373 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $914,596 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nord | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Disabled Kitten | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | Eulogy | 55% | 67 |
| #4 | astroom | 53% | 59 |
| #5 | L4ma | 52% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | astroom | 53% | 59 |
| #5 | L4ma | 52% | 162 |
| #6 | teible | 47% | 90 |
| #7 | Danksy | 44% | 87 |
| #8 | buntaga | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L4ma | 7 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Eulogy | 6 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Danksy | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | teible | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L4ma | 658 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| #2 | teible | 356 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #3 | Danksy | 298 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #4 | Eulogy | 187 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | astroom | 70 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | astroom | +2.26 | 74 | 51 |
| #2 | L4ma | +2.19 | 58 | 77 |
| #3 | Eulogy | +1.43 | 53 | 67 |
| #4 | Disabled Kitten | +1.15 | 61 | 60 |
| #5 | teible | -0.28 | 32 | 68 |





