








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1080 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 331 matches | ||
| Premier | 299 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




96 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,342 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2991 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2773 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3342 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2236 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,563,332 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1096 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | single pregnant rat | 50% | 173 |
| #2 | Bad Dong | 49% | 98 |
| #3 | kingdra | 48% | 50 |
| #4 | Y 3 3 T | 44% | 278 |
| #5 | Smooth | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Udder Spinner | 25 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | gwill | 25 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Y 3 3 T | 23 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | single pregnant rat | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | minty | 12 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ F3DerAL | 430 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #2 | kingdra | 296 | 0.28 | 9 min |
| #3 | Udder Spinner | 255 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | Bad Dong | 154 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Smooth | 149 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oKoL | +3.89 | 87 | 38 |
| #2 | gwill | +1.07 | 74 | 33 |
| #3 | Bad Dong | +0.36 | 62 | 50 |
| #4 | KJL | +0.01 | 47 | 59 |
| #5 | kingdra | -0.24 | 59 | 82 |





