










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1675 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 264 | 8% |
| Smokes | 335 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 1749 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 1078 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $818,581 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 666 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jackie legs | 43 | 0.0222 |
| #2 | johnny sins | 21 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | ✪Magic | 16 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | SCREAM | 15 | 0.0073 |
| #5 | ducky | 9 | 0.0101 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SCREAM | 267 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | ✪Magic | 212 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | jackie legs | 176 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | BakedKiller | 123 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | ducky | 116 | 0.13 | 3 min |





