








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
682 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,547 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 689 | 27% |
| Smokes | 745 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 515 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 598 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $177,749 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nut nut | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Mr. X | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | SirahBo$$ | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | nifo | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | J3nsyy | 67% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | nifo | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | J3nsyy | 67% | 18 |
| #6 | Tauson | 64% | 11 |
| #7 | Staehr | 52% | 31 |
| #8 | Buzz | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J3nsyy | 4 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Staehr | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Tauson | 1 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | SirahBo$$ | 1 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | nut nut | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Staehr | 178 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #2 | J3nsyy | 93 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | Tauson | 33 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | nut nut | 27 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | nifo | 24 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Staehr | +2.82 | 86 | 84 |
| #2 | Tauson | +2.69 | 92 | 73 |
| #3 | SirahBo$$ | +2.01 | 89 | 74 |
| #4 | Buzz | +1.18 | 92 | 75 |
| #5 | TOP G | +0.64 | 89 | 75 |





