








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,397 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 400 | 29% |
| Smokes | 406 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 281 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 310 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $230,794 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0taps | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | the slippery human spirit | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | pipiopi | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | ScorpiaN. | 63% | 19 |
| #5 | squarepants38 | 63% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ryeuu | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | squarepants38 | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Chix Fuckem | 3 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | ScorpiaN. | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Imagine | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lotox | 89 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | ryeuu | 65 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | ue | 65 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #4 | squarepants38 | 54 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Imagine | 48 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | michael_touchem_up_2012 | +3.10 | 86 | 43 |
| #2 | ScorpiaN. | +2.62 | 88 | 64 |
| #3 | pipiopi | +2.03 | 94 | 47 |
| #4 | squarepants38 | +1.93 | 92 | 56 |
| #5 | ue | +1.70 | 54 | 63 |





