








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 296 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1626 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,614 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 900 | 34% |
| Smokes | 834 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 570 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 310 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,411 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OnionMaster777 | 64% | 28 |
| #2 | blehblehbleh | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Zalty | 60% | 50 |
| #4 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 59% | 83 |
| #5 | OkayBlade | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | blehblehbleh | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Zalty | 60% | 50 |
| #4 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 59% | 83 |
| #5 | OkayBlade | 54% | 13 |
| #6 | Diesel | 50% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 45 | 0.0281 |
| #2 | OnionMaster777 | 20 | 0.0385 |
| #3 | Zalty | 9 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Diesel | 9 | 0.0247 |
| #5 | OkayBlade | 4 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | 171 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 41 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #3 | Diesel | 18 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | OkayBlade | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | OnionMaster777 | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | +6.09 | 85 | 64 |
| #2 | RaidenCP | +5.36 | 85 | 51 |
| #3 | OkayBlade | +1.28 | 73 | 39 |
| #4 | Diesel | +0.85 | 61 | 27 |
| #5 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | -0.69 | 21 | 22 |





