










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 118 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
126 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 189 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 27 | 14% |
| Smokes | 27 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 2 | 1% |
| Molotovs | 133 | 70% |
Our logs show you have wasted $122,731 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 241 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | 63% | 38 |
| #2 | RaidenCP | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 55% | 53 |
| #4 | Diesel | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | OnionMaster777 | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | 63% | 38 |
| #2 | RaidenCP | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 55% | 53 |
| #4 | Diesel | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | OnionMaster777 | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 29 | 0.0294 |
| #2 | OnionMaster777 | 17 | 0.0705 |
| #3 | Diesel | 6 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | Zalty | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | RaidenCP | 2 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | 121 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | Diesel | 33 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | RaidenCP | 27 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | 22 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | OnionMaster777 | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zalty | +11.45 | 90 | 63 |
| #2 | RaidenCP | +7.41 | 81 | 51 |
| #3 | Diesel | +5.89 | 69 | 40 |
| #4 | ⛴THE Onion Miser⛴ (XM CHAD) | +2.20 | 11 | 18 |
| #5 | OnionMaster777 | -3.98 | 15 | 23 |





