








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
607 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,797 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 812 | 45% |
| Smokes | 402 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 326 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 257 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $175,319 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dreelow | 60% | 45 |
| #2 | yogi björnen | 59% | 46 |
| #3 | sniperkatten | 58% | 69 |
| #4 | gushter | 53% | 47 |
| #5 | is i magen | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𐂃 | 16 | 0.0160 |
| #2 | dreelow | 16 | 0.0181 |
| #3 | yogi björnen | 13 | 0.0142 |
| #4 | sniperkatten | 10 | 0.0072 |
| #5 | gushter | 6 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yogi björnen | 154 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | 𐂃 | 134 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | sniperkatten | 118 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | dreelow | 97 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | gushter | 88 | 0.09 | 1 min |





